If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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