shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
