mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The air taste purple.
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