I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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