I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's blow job season.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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