5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
