Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
