so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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