The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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