yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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