Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
