There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
