dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
