woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
