would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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