You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
