Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
