Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
