forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
