Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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