If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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