community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
