Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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