Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
