Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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