Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
