Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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