my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
