If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
