He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
