My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
They have beer where we have blood.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
