On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
