holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you had me at cake vodka
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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