and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
