no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
