when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
