Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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