if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
