My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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