i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
