Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
