Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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