Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
