no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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