I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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