He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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