OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
