she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
