so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm gonna fight the coyote
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
