I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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