so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
