He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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