New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
