Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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