My sheets look like a crime scene.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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