you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
