When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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